The Most Dramatic and Worstly-Written Golf Article Ever

SAN RAFAEL, CA - It was just a few years ago that Andrew Ishak was told he was too small to walk-on the golf team at UCLA.

It might have been just 24 years ago.

It also might have been because he was still in the womb at the time.

And it is a fact that no fetus has ever won a championship in the Majors-era.

But for the first time in his career, Ishak, now 23, finished with a lower score on the golf course than both Blake Michaelsen and Brian Dong. A notorious "player who shanks the ball off the tee", Ishak was productive on 8 of 9 tee shots, finishing at plus-8 on the day at McInnis Golf Course

"Basically what I tried to do was hit the ball towards the hole in hopes that I could do it in a small amount of tries," said Ishak.

And hit the ball towards the hole in a small amount of tries...he did. Ishak, whose paternal great-great-grandfather died just less than 110 years ago last week, maintained his focus throughout the entire round.

"What can I say? We only played alright today," Michaelsen said about Dong and himself. "I was hoping to get a good laugh out of watching Andrew's ridiculously bad swing, but he was pretty steady through the first 5 holes. I almost let a giggle out when he shanked on the 6th, but I kept my focus."

Michaelsen wore red softball socks, blue shorts, and a floppy hat, which may have contributed to his third-place finish. No one has ever won a championship in the Majors-era with both red socks and a floppy hat on their person.

"It was weird," said Dong. "We pulled up into the parking lot and Blake gets out of his new Honda Element and he's wearing those bright red socks. I thought they would be serious about the dress code in the North Bay."

Michaelsen obtained the red socks for Picture Day while coaching the Davis Little League Quake in May 2002. Ishak has a similar pair of red socks.

"I don't get it," said Michaelsen. "Andrew writes an article on his blog and he makes up all these quotes and then the article devolves into an abbreviated history of my socks. I didn't say this. I don't even use the word 'abbreviated' in that context. It's not part of my lexicon."

Ishak was not available for comment.