You don't have to go home but GET OUT NOW

Something happened to me today. Usually, when this something happens, one might say: "hey, I guess I'm just a young, dumb college student!" The difference for me is that today this something made me realize the opposite: "hey, I'm no longer a young, dumb college student--I'm getting older (still dumb and in college though)." This something happened to me for the first time in my life.

Today I got kicked out of a bar.


The Communication Studies department at UT has a Friday happy hour every so often. This particular day, the happy hour was set for Little Woodrow's, a relatively quiet bar just north of campus. They have a nice patio, and at 5 pm a truck from Wahoo's Fish Tacos parks itself behind the bar and serves up some tasty food. So 5 pm seemed like a good time for us to go.

We walk in around 5, and the bartender immediately makes eye contact with me. Maybe the bartender thinks I'm cute, maybe he doesn't, I don't know. Regardless, he cuts us off just before we get out to the patio, where I can peek through the open door and see that the Comm Studies group is sitting there, having a pleasant time on a pleasant day (it's 80 degrees in January, so that helps).

"Sorry, it's over 21 only."

"Um, what?"

"Sorry, it's company policy, no one under 21."

At this point I realize he's not telling my wife that she looks young (she does look under 21 on many days). Instead, he's talking about Evie. A baby. Apparently a baby cannot sit on the patio at 5 pm, as it is some sort of risk to the company. Because she might accidentally pick up a pint of Shiner and mistake it for a bottle of Enfamil. OH WAIT SHE'S AN INFANT AND CAN'T EVEN PICK UP HER OWN HEAD.

In some sense it's logical. Babies are like really really drunk people: they always want another drink, they are really bad drivers, and they pee all over everything. Also, they call their ex-girlfriends and apologize for breaking up sophomore year.

Here's hoping that Evie never gets kicked out of a bar again!