Today's Game is like the Super Bowl of Professional Football

If you are hosting a Super Bowl party today, I have gone ahead and made you a checklist of requirements for your event:

1. The most important requirement is a large TV. Giant, wall-sized TVs are preferred, HDTVs are a must. If you have to ask what HD is, give up your hosting duties now.

Best case: Giant HD projector with surround sound
Worst case: wood-panel TV

2. Second most important requirement is good company. Your company is only as good as its weakest link. For example, no loudmouths who talk during the commercials or spend the entire game talking about why football is lame. It's good to have fans on either side, but its also sweet to watch the game with a home crowd (the Niners are horrible, by the way. I haven't been in a home crowd for an SB since 95.)

Best case: All friends and family that you enjoy
Worst case: The guy who offers commentary on every advertisement and play. Yeah you're right, frogs have nothing to do with beer. GO HOME.

3. Third most important requirement is variety and deliciousness of food. Look, don't bring that weak stuff in here; this is not just some football game. This game represents the culmination of everyone's best new finger foods, appetizers, and desserts. You went to like 5 game-watching parties in the last year. Have you learned nothing!? You told me how great the bacon pesto havarti purses were or whatever they're called, just make sure there's cheese in it and make enough for me and 25 others. Also, pizza is a fine choice, but only good pizza. You know the Domino's guy is delivering like 5-5-5-5-5-5 pizzas before he gets to your house, so enjoy the baked in cardboard goodness.

Best case: lots of tasty things with cheese in them
Worst case: Pizza Hut; anything that requires utensils

4. Last but not least, comfortable seats make the difference. I cannot and will not watch a game on the floor sitting cross-legged. I can't do it. I have so much extra weight on the front of my body that sitting on the floor upright with no back support makes my stomach feel like its trying to close a stuffed suitcase on a return flight from someplace with lots of souvenirs. And those souvenirs in this case are called chicken wings. When we get a larger place, I'm getting a recliner solely for the purpose of watching the Super Bowl.

Best case: Recliners, couches
Worst case: sitting on the hardwood floor, looking at a TV mounted 7 feet in the air.

There you have it. Enjoy your Super Bowl OR use this checklist to complain. Your call.