You Got Herbed.

And this is why I hate Arabic television in our house:

Andrew: What are you guys doing for the Fourth of July?
Mom (completely serious): Wait just one second, they're talking about parsley.

My Brother's Wedding - "We Left to Tomorrow but We Came Back Yesterday."

My mom uttered that pearl of wisdom as we arrived on a 6 pm New Jersey flight that came in to San Francisco at 9:30 that same evening. And although the rest of the weekend did not feature any more sayings from Mom's Book of Proverbs , the weekend still was one of the best of my life. It even topped that weekend I put out that orphanage fire with my fists (that was a pretty good weekend though!). Here are seven reasons why the weekend was awesome:

1) Eddie and Irina's Wedding!
The reason why were were in New Jersey, of course. My brother is now married, and it didn't feel weird at all. He and Irina fit so well together and the whole thing just made sense. I got good chills when they were announced as Mr. and Mrs. Ishak at the reception. I was worried that I'd have to fake-smile the entire time for the cameras, but I was wrong; I was smiling the whole time anyway. Also, I changed my bathroom schedule so I'd be free during the ceremony and reception--what are brothers for, right?

2) Traveling with Family
I've traveled quite a bit with my bro and parents, but it's pretty rare that we get 50 or so family members in the same place across the country. It was nice to wake up and my cousins at breakfast, spend time with my brother and Heather, and then eat dinner with more family and friends. Even the bus rides were enjoyable. And Sunday night after the wedding in the hotel mezzanine...dear Lord; that conversation should never be shared with anyone outside of the 20 people there--yet I have it on tape and you'll probably see it someday. ETO at it's finest.

(That's "Egyptian TakeOver" for those of you who have not seen Copts move in large groups.)

3) Food
The third star of the weekend, besides Eddie and Irina. I really can't describe to you the insanity of the quality and quantity of food at the reception. Maybe a few short anecdotes will help:

• The cocktail hour had over 100 different appetizers. Maybe even 200. They were all well-made, too. Did anyone count? I wanted to try every different kind, and I couldn't, if that tells you something.
• The cocktail hour was described as a "Jay-Z party" by Mounir.
• If you're like me, you've overeaten many times in your life. And when you overeat, you feel bad about it and think to yourself: "I shouldn't have eaten that last ravioli or two" or "I shouldn't have ordered dessert." Even after I was extremely full, I ate my entire dinner and did not feel bad about it for a SECOND. Everything on my plate was incredible.
  I really don't know if I've gotten my point across by now, but the food was like nothing I have ever seen or WILL see in my life again.
• On top of that, there was a "dessert room". You read that correctly. A room of desserts. Not like Tokyo bedroom-sized. Like a room that could hold about a hundred people. I'm fat.

We also ate pretty well the rest of the weekend, including the buffet breakfast each morning, the fantastic Chelsea Grill near midtown, and the rehearsal dinner on Saturday evening. Still fat.

4) New York is pretty neat.
I don't think I'd ever live there (too close to France), but there's no doubt that Manhattan is an awesome place to visit. The subway is efficient, the food is great, and there is always stuff to do. We stayed in Newark but on Friday we did get out to the Big Banana--remember, NO ONE in Manhattan calls it "The Big Apple".

5) Ididn't talklikethis duringthetoast.
I have a habit of speaking really fast sometimes and I tend to mumble and stutter and I have a lisp and basically what I'm saying is that I'd be a great candidate for a public speaking instructor--which is what I'll be doing during my PhD program in Texas (oh by the way, we're moving to Texas). During the toast, I spoke clearly and slowly and I didn't sound like an idiot, which is always a plus.

Oddly enough, there ended up not being a clinking of glasses at all, which is kinda my fault. Oops.

6) Visiting Shea Stadium
We went to a Mets game for Eddie's bachelor outing, if you want to call it that. It was nice to see Shea Stadium before it is eventually torn down. Which it should be. It's like Oakland Coliseum but less...hmm..."acceptable as a baseball stadium."

7) Egyptian Paparazzi
Have you ever seen 20 Egyptians taking the exact same picture of the exact same thing at the exact same time? Something about it amuses me. Heather and I learned a lot about what to expect during our wedding, and we are glad that there is a "No Photography" policy in the church. Even my mom was using her digital camera to video the ceremony. Did you read that? The mother of the groom spent time videotaping the ceremony even though there were three professional cameras there. Not only that, the father of the bride took the official photographer's camera at one point and went around and started taking pictures.

There's only one logical conclusion: Egyptians think they are the only people who can capture a moment, even though EVERY SINGLE PERSON THERE has a camera. I am waiting for the moment when groom pulls out a camera and takes a picture of himself.

Oh wait, that happened at Elmasry's wedding this summer--no joke. It was amusing, though.

::

So Eddie and Irina are now married and their wedding provided us all with some fantastic memories, mainly of the delicious variety. I'm exciting for all the other weddings this year. We're not going to have food like that, but we'll put treadmills in the cocktail hour so everyone can burn off the weight gain from the wedding this past weekend. That's "exer-tainment"!

I'll try my best to have some pictures of the wedding up soon!

I just visited Austin

...and Mom had a question for me:

Mom: "What's the difference between grad students who are single and the ones who are married?"

My answer: "They procreate?"

Have a Safe Trip, as if You Were Planning to Have Any Other Kind!

I used to get annoyed when my parents would tell me to "drive safely!" as I left to go back to Davis after a weekend at home.

Really? Drive safely? Because my plan was to ram a few cars off the road and then play chicken as I crossed the Benicia Bridge.

Well, you know how as you get older, you notice more of your parents' traits in yourself? Lately, I can't help but tell my fiance Heather to drive safely every single time she gets in her car. Why do I do it? She's a conservative driver who has never been in an accident, yet I remind her every single time. I wonder if it's just one of those things that people say because "See ya!" can get boring.

You know, my friend Justin used to tell me "Take care" every time we separated, and I really felt like he meant it. But I think with most people, those compassionate directives (?) can become so ingratiated in our minds that they no longer mean much other then "bye!" or "later." When was the last time someone told you to "Have a safe trip!" right before you got on a plane?

Right! I'll make sure to relay that message to the pilot!

But the fact remains that rational, logical people still tell their loved ones to be safe. My theory is that we say it more to appease ourselves than anything else. When I tell Heather to drive safely, it's probably because I want to make sure that I have done everything in my power to ensure that she arrives safely. I want to be certain that I at least say something so I don't feel useless.

Dad's approach to the compassionate directive is a little different. He checks my tires, asks if I have cash in my wallet, and usually asks something else that is somewhat out of the blue: "When was the last time you checked your wiper fluid level?" "Is your spare tire full of air?" "Have you ever tested your air bag?" I swear, I get the spare tire question about once a month. You know what though, my spare tire IS always full of air, and I know that.

So we say "drive safely" because we have to do something. If we don't, and something bad does happen, then we may feel even worse than we already would have given the circumstances. And I think it does help to know that people care about you; personally, I do think I drive more conservatively sometimes because I an reminded that there are people who would be very let down if I were to be at fault in an injury accident.

So keep saying "drive safely" and "take care" and "have a safe trip." And I will make sure not to use my iPod during takeoff and landing.



Comedian Brian Regan has a funny bit about responding to a cabbie saying "Have a safe trip!" with "You too!" and then feeling like an idiot. I couldn't find that clip, but here's Brian Regan about eye exams.

Things They Don't Teach You in Egypt

We decided to switch our 15-year-old cat over to senior cat food. Dad was pouring the food into her bowl, which already had some food in it, and Fritz went crazy. She attacked the bowl like she was eating Cat Sushi or something. Dad was like: "Look at this, she loves it!"

Mom was not convinced. "No, she's just hungry!" But she already had food, Dad responded; if she was hungry, she would have eaten that. We noted that she probably smelled something in the new food that she likes, so she went after it.

Question from Mom: "How can she smell the difference?"

Okay, you may be wondering the same thing. If you are, here's your answer:

She's a freaking cat. They can smell if you have been thinking about dolphins.

Tasty Water

I think it's weird that water is one of the only things humans consume that we actually prefer with less taste. And that desire has totally escalated in the past 20 years.

When I was like 6 and I wanted water, I went to the fridge and used that water dispenser attached to the freezer. I had NO IDEA that the water coming out of that dispenser came from the same place as the water out of the faucet at the kitchen sink. And for some reason, I thought the water from the bathroom faucet was not for human consumption.

18 years later, I rarely drink tap water because my tongue is conditioned to drink the liquid out of the bottle, or at least out of one of those huge jugs. Sure, I'll drink out of a tap if there is nothing else, or if I'm at a water fountain at a park, or if I'm in the East Bay (the water there tastes so much better than anywhere else, honestly. Look it up.) Maybe you drink out of a Brita filter; I did when I was in Davis because the tap water there is...how do I put this...um...let's see...farty? Is that a word?

Anyway, I just bought a Brita filter for the house because we discontinued our water delivery, as it was way too expensive. But I do wonder if we are all conditioning ourselves to have weak stomachs because we don't deal with the "tastiness" that comes out of the tap. What with flouride and lead and all that.

By the way, the title of this post refers to a time when I was 12 and Mom told me I couldn't eat anything until dinner (it was like 3:30; I was getting to be quite overweight). I asked her what I could eat, and she said: "You can have water." My brother thought this was hilarious and kept saying "TASTY WATER!" for the rest of the afternoon.

This is the second drink-related post in 10 minutes. I'm going to go use that Brita filter.