Okay, it’s me. I’m the brain behind the world’s greatest invention. Don’t get me wrong: the car, the telephone, the Slap Chop…all great. But nothing will change the way you live your life like what I’m about to present to you: Nupperware.
Q: What is Nupperware?
A: Nupperware is a decorative plastic food container designed to reduce waste at social gatherings. “Nupperware” is a portmanteau of “nuptials” and the name of a certain brand of container.
Q: How does it work?
A: Simple. The host of a social gathering–let’s take a wedding for example–provides nupperware for each guest. Let’s say you can’t finish your vegetables: put them in your nupperware. The guy next to you doesn’t show up: put his salad in the nupperware. A whole block of cheese left on the hors d’ouevres table: nupperware. Now, the food doesn’t get thrown in the garbage, and each guest is reminded of the generosity of the host the next day for lunch.
Q: Won’t that take away from the elegance of the event?
A: Oh, I am unaware it is considered elegant to waste food, especially in trying economic times like these! You should be ashamed of yourself. You know what’s truly elegant? Efficiency and resourcefulness.
Q: Sorry, I wasn’t trying to say that–
A: No, I know exactly what you were trying to say! You Americans and your wastefulness.
Q: Aren’t you American?
A: Yes. It’s the greatest country on earth. And if you are really worried about elegance, nupperwares come with decorative ribbon and a satin finish.
Q: Moving on…where did this idea come from?
A: Pretty much every wedding I’ve ever been to. I have seen way too many half-eaten chicken cordon bleus taken back to the kitchen to know that probably half the food prepared for a wedding ends up in the dumpster. I went to retirement party last night, and there had to have been 40 meals worth of finger foods on the tabel when the party ended. Think about how much better my life would be if I was eating a lunch of bruschetta, mushroom turnovers, and brie.
Q: Might this idea of taking home food make the guests fight over the best stuff?
A: Glad you asked. This is where one of the best new wedding traditions comes in. Much like the bouquet toss by the bride and the garter toss by the groom, the nupperware toss will now be conducted by the caterer. He’ll take the best leftovers–the bacon-wrapped lobster bites, the bacon-wrapped shrimp, the bacon-wrapped mushrooms…basically anything wrapped in bacon–and put them in the gold nupperware box. Then he’ll throw it at a throng of the hungriest guests.
Q: Weddings are already expensive. Now the father of the bride has to pay for nupperware for each guest?
A: Good point. Nupperware containers cost about the same as wedding favors, and they are a lot more useful. So if you are planning on giving each of your guests a letter opener with your names on it, or a statuette of a baby with wings, or a bag of the hardest almonds in the world, maybe think about replacing that with a beautiful piece of nupperware. They’ll remember you each time they have to take a casserole somewhere.
Q: Last question: What is the greatest feature of nupperware?
A: Nupperware shows your guests that you don’t just care about them today; you care about your guests as long as it takes them to finish half a steak, 4 baby carrots, one and a half dinner rolls, and two extra pieces of wedding cake.